DISCLAIMER: I have only watched seasons one and two due to not having HBO. I cannot speak to what happens in season three. However, unless women are ruling everything, I will probably be disappointed with whatever is going on. Thanks.
Game of Thrones is back and I’m not watching it. Why? I have at least moderate respect for women (in fact, I have much more, but a moderate amount is all I need to justify not watching). When complaining to a friend recently about the constant abuse of half naked women and girls in the show, my friend said, “yeah, but it’s historical.” “Okay,” I responded, “but there are dragons.” My friend could only shrug. It shouldn’t surprise us that White Walker zombies and dragons and a girl immune to fire seem more plausibly “historical” during any era of human existence than the halfway decent treatment of women. Still, I was enraged and, seeking further explanation, I called the directors, who declined to comment. So did everyone else on the project except for two of the charming young dragons (the third dragon also declined to comment). I was lucky to get an interview with the two agreeable dragons over a homemade meal of seared acorn meat in their apartment, which looks a lot like a cave.
So, is it hard to watch so many women being physically, verbally and emotionally abused in the show?
Dragon 1: Oh we don’t watch the show. We barely even watch while we’re filming except when our hot mom is around showing off her remarkable…[coughing on acorn meat]…acting skills. They put us on Nyquil during shoots so we won’t get too feisty.
Dragon 2: Yeah and good thing, too. That human crap is boring.
Dragon 3: No comment.
Thanks Dragon 3. You don’t need to say “No Comment,” I’m just interviewing your brothers. Do you two think the show should “magically” empower female characters, just as they have magically created dragons?
Dragon 1: That seems like asking a lot, doesn’t it? Can’t you be happy with the one lady who’s cool and powerful? Our mom.
Dragon 2: We have a mom in the show? That’s really fun. Is she hot?
Dragon 3: No comment.
Thanks again Dragon 3. I would argue, Dragon 1, that one hot, powerful “Mother of Dragons” can’t make up for a million naked women being whipped to shreds, tortured and raped in a sensationalized manner.
Dragon 1: Hey man, I’m not here to argue at all. Why don’t you eat your acorn meat and shut your tiny beak?
Dragon 2: For real! You make me want to drink Nyquil on a weekend dude. What’s rape? Sounds like something someone was probably asking for.
Dragon 3: NO COMMENT! NO COMMENT! NO COMMENT!
Thank you for your time. I guess that old saying turned out to be false: “Feminism will only be real when dragons fly.” No, it turns out, not even then.
By Caitlin Bergh